February 12 2018



                                  normal = conforming to a standard, usual typical or expected


My life for the past few years has been anything but normal, if the definition of normal is what the majority of people perceive as expected. The “craziest” thing I did was quitting my job a little less than 3 years ago. One of the best decisions in my life.


Since then I spent a lot of time travelling, discovering other cultures and myself. Amazing journey into the unknown. One journey lasted 6 months. The next more than 4 months. And in between I came back to my home country for about 8 months, got a job for 6 months and tried the normal routine: home – work – home. It didn’t give me enough. After my contract was over I left again.


It’s been more than 5 months that I started a new job back in my home country. It has been a great lesson. When I started I enjoyed the work because it was very challenging and much alive. But soon it became overwhelming. And since I was used to changing the environment and moving on very quickly, it felt kind of trapped not to be able to just leave when I felt overwhelmed. It has been challenging for me to stay and continue although at some points I didn’t feel like going further. I wanted to leave. But I guess that would have been the easy choice. Running as soon the situation gets really hard. Sure that is one option. And sometimes it is the best one. But this time I choose not to change the outside circumstances but I try to change my reaction to them – change my inner world. It was absolutely needed.


I am glad I chose the other path and stayed. Stayed with my feelings. Stayed and fought hard to get out much stronger. And soon came a day when I felt I am not struggling anymore. That the hardest part was behind me and I started to enjoy again, without being worried about the responsibility and all the situations that need to be dealt with. I started to trust again. Believe in myself and the life than unfolds.


Waking up every day to go to work is considered normal to most of the people. So I guess that I am living a normal life!! Except that all the other things that I do are not typical. Meditating as much as possible to calm my mind and feel more peace. Doing Tai Chi to play with the energy. Renting an apartment in Ljubljana where I sleep only 2 nights in a week. Spending twice a week about 6 hours on the road to get to my Karate practice. Playing with strangers through contact improvisation. Walking in the morning to the work place with my headphones and singing the songs out loud sometimes. Laughing. And more and more and more, some things are just too crazy to write them down :). So in a way I am living a normal life but luckily because of the abundance of activities we have I can still choose to do the things I want. The things that make me happy, in balance. Make me grow and learn about myself and the world that surrounds me.


But what could it mean to live a normal life?  Could it mean to be living the life we want for ourselves, with all the challenges and ups and down – a life when the answer to the question: do I want to be right here right now is: hell yeah!! I think that this should be the definition of normal, usual, typical :)!  So yeah I guess I am living a normal life. Although the classical consumerism is not the thing that makes me happy (but sometimes I am very happy to buy myself something new – the joy in much bigger because it is usually something I need and not just want…usually :)). Although complaining about the life and all that it brings along is not really my thing....usually. Although the thing that makes me happy is to have a nice, honest, opened contact with another human being, however strange that sounds..usually.

I love when there is more lightness in my life. I love when the flow of the energy is alive. I love when I get to observe more and judge less. Just observe. Notice. And move on. Without labelling. When somebody does something that makes me upset – realise that is it their choice and not your responsibility. I am responsible only for myself. Realising that others are not responsible for my feelings is so liberating. On the other hand I still sometimes feel responsible for the way others feel – it is a process of letting go. To focus more on yourself. And let go!! And trust! Sometimes I am better at it and sometimes a little less. 


And yeah, since I am used to travelling around and moving a lot sometimes it feels weird to wake up early every day to go to work. To be surrounded with the same people every day. To try and solve some problems, which sometimes are really not problems. But I realise this is like a workshop – I get to learn so much, observe myself and others, learn, grow and have amazing opportunities!! And yeah, I choose every day to get up and go. Because it feels right, although not always good, not always easy, not always fluid. But the most important choice is mine – am I going to enjoy through this experience, or am I gonna suffer? The choice is totally mine :)!!

And I choose to enjoy the most I can, in the beautiful nature I have the fortune to be surrounded with!! Sure there are days when I can't feel the beauty around me. I am tired. Overwhelmed. But the rest of the days, when I feel the life that is just about everywhere and I get to surrender to it, are totally worth it :)!! It is sometimes scary to be able to feel more and more  - but to me there is no other way....